What makes a good discussion?

Today, one of my MBA colleagues called up. Since, I was getting a call after a long time, I was excitedly telling him about what has happened so far when the discussion reached to reality prices. I told him me neighbors' have rented their house for about Rs.2.5L per month. Now that's too much. But they seem to be some firang family, who can afford to pay so much of price. As soon as I mentioned it, pat came the reply from my caller the real estate prices in India will drop by more than 20% soon. There will be a bubble burst. Now that sounded like an excited piece of topic to be discussed but only if there were 2 sides to a discussion. As soon as the discussion started it seemed more like one person talk. He definitely had a lot of knowledge and idea about it. He was definitely more well read. I tried to say my perspective to be immediately countered by the statement that's not the only thing that determines. Perhaps, he is right. Perhaps, I have no idea about it at all. But what calls for a good discussion? Something, in which all parties participate and the other whose point may not be strong does not feel discouraged. I felt discourage by the discussion to the extent that I did not want to discuss it. I was just listening to it have a good perspective about it. Perhaps, I was wrong and my ego was hurt that how can someone say I am wrong. But at the same time, I expected the other person to carry on a discussion in such a manner that other people do give it a thought and listen to it and don't feel hurt.

I suppose that's what happens most of the office meetings also. People who are the loudest are heard the most. People who are quiet kinds are suppressed and over a period of time an inferiority complex is developed which hints at – you are stupid and hence keep your mouth shut and let others talk. But that's not how people learn. A leader is one who encourages people to listen and talk at the same time. One who develops the confidence of others. Why do people forget that they alone cannot run the show. They need help of people who can work for and with them.

So some point of lessons from my own experience about how to have a healthy discussion:

1. Be a GOOD GREAT listener : Before one can say something, its important to listen to the other person and UNDERSTAND what is he saying. Just be mere hearing won't get you anywhere as that ways, you will tend to agree with whatever he is saying. But one needs to counter at times to fool proof a plan!!
   
2. Everyone need NOT speak : It's not necessary that you have to speak every time. Everyone does not know everything. May be next time, you will know more than the speaker this time.
   
3. Be Prepared : Whatever be the topic of discussion, make sure you have some background knowledge on that. Speaking in the air , wont fetch you any credibility.
   
4. Numbers take you places : If you have some statistics to make your point, nothing like it. There is nothing else more reliable than those percentages.
   

All the above were from the listener perspective but as a person who is speaking, there are some points you also need to remember. Why? To make sure you have thought about every aspect- its important that people question you. Anyways, some points for you :

1. Be a GOOD GREAT listener : If someone has raised a point against you, listen him out even if he is wrong. Let him finish. May be the point may be not relevant but that point may make you think about something which might be relevant.
   
2. NEVER discourage other people : If someone is saying something, don't discourage him by saying he is wrong – explain your perspective. If you discourage him once, you have discouraged him forever. Don't tell him he is wrong. Explain him why he is wrong.
   
3. BE POLITE : Nothing can beat this. Its your politeness that will take you places and make people hear you accept you whenever you speak. Never say 'NO' or 'YOU are WRONG'. Instead use more polite language like – 'PERHAPS, you MEANT THIS..' et al.
   
4. DON'T SHOUT : Don't be loud to prove your point. It creates a bad impression that he has not concrete things to say but by being loud he is trying to make his presence felt.
   
5. Develop a comfort zone : Its important people have developed some level of comfort with you – which can only happen if you listen to them, appreciate them and make them feel important!!
   

These are some of the BASIC things one needs to keep in mind. I will update this post when I come across more things. Till then HAPPY DISCUSSING!